Yesterday I had a few moments. Well actually over the whole weekend I did. There definitely is something connecting that happens when you spend time in God's glorious creation. Away from street lights, computers and it's just you and some friends and God's glory shining about.

One moment was sitting on a bench looking out over the valley at 7.30am - at the hills covered with trees and a little pack (or some other more appropriate word which I can't remember) of birds flying over the hills round and round. The sounds. oh the sounds of birds, and trees and wind rustling as creation wakes to a new morning.

Another moment was interrupting those sounds with my feeble attempts at playing guitar to lift up some worship through songs to God with my friend. Singing: Your love oh Lord reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness stretches to the skies.

These two moments came back to me in a spine tingling moment at church a few hours later as we stood up to sing together in worship. We sung: All the earth will declare that Your love is everywhere, The fields will exalt, seas resound, Here the trees joyful cry praising You and so will I! A new song I'll sing, Lord I will glorify and Bless Your Holy Name.

Spine tingling. Worshiping my Lord and King.

Another moment happened Saturday night as I lay on a tarpoline wrapped in my sleeping bag gazing at the stars with two good friends for almost an hour - or maybe not quite but it felt like it forever! It was purely amazing. The milky way stretched out above us and went on forever. I saw a few shooting stars and was throughly in AWE of my Amazing Holy God.

I hope these moments will invade my day. Constantly. That I can spend every single moment in Awe of God! How I love to be in His presence.. I want more.

SO I thought I should update...

I don't really feel like blogging tonight, but I'm waiting for photos to upload to facebook and well need something to do. Plus I said I wanted to update every week for my 101.

Oooh.. one update on that is that I registered for the duathlon on April 11th. Check. And I started running this week - or last week depending on if Sunday is the start or end to my week. I haven't quite figured that one out yet.

Getting a bike this week to start riding and I'm actually quite stoked about this whole thing. I like. I can't wait to do the duathlon cos it will be so rewarding!! woop.

:)

Anyway, I've been camping this weekend. Which was a huge blessing and yep.. life is good. A tad confusing.. but good.

That's enough.. Peace out.

1. Read my Bible every day – even when at camp/away somewhere and even if its 1am in the morning and you are exhausted. 22/1001

Still managing it every day but it did get a little crazy at camp keeping up with my Bible reading plan. I think I caught up, and even if I just read a chapter a day I think I did it and then caught up with the plan later.

2. Journal at least every second day in my real life journal even if it’s about nothing.

Don't think it's been every second day but close to it!

4. Pray aloud in 20 group prayer meetings. 5/20

I think I prayed aloud at least 5 times if not more while at camp. This goal was really to challenge me to start doing it even when it's scary. I hope it will become natural and become something I do all the time at group prayer meetings and the challenge of this goal with become irelevant because it'll be part of life.

11. Go for a walk every day even if it’s just to work and back. 22/1001

Still doing it. :) I even went for a run this week!

12. Take vitamin drink daily. 22/1001

I am changing this one to 'Take vitamin daily.' - I switched to chewable vitamin C while I was at camp, I think I'll prob switch between that and the dissolvable ones.

44. Learn how to strum properly on the guitar and play better in general.

Well Amplify really kick started this for me! It was so cool to be surrounded by other musicians and be able to jam with them and try out new things. It meant I could try stuff under the cover of them playing and not be afraid to make mistakes. Still room for improvement!!!! Now I just need to save up for my own acoustic electric so when I give Rosie's back I can keep practicing.

45. Be able to sing and play the guitar at the same time better.

Same goes with this at Amplify. I got the chance to jam and play and sing and so improving on the guitar helped and being around people as well!!

46. Play and sing at the same time at church or Volley sometime in 2011 if not before.

Well yesterday, just one day back from Amplify I did this!! I expected it to take ages for me to be comfortable enough to do it but I did it yesterday! I played Psalm 13 to my church and it was good! Got some encouraging feed back. I stuffed up the guitar a few times but I kept on going and singing and just came back in. Wooooooo!

51. Write a song.

Well, I didn't write a song just myself - so I don't know if this counts but I wrote one with my vocal major and another with Aimee and Anna. I still want to write an original myself, but I think I'm getting closer huh?

52. Sing the song I wrote to somebody.

Same as above. I sung the Psalm with my group heaps of times to audiences and Aimee, Anna and I sung the other song to Mandy. It was cool. It will still be a challenge to sing an original just from me to someone tho. So bring that on.

I feel very accomplished!! Wooo!!

Massive Update Time..

Amplify was amazing amazing amazing.

8 days is a long camp but it was full of God's love, music and creative arts, friends, laughs, jamming, horse riding, swimming in the pool, hot chocolate, writing songs, performing, Holy Spirit, exhibition night, recording studios, ukuleles and much much more...

LOVED IT!

My major was vocal and my class were awesome! We all clicked really well and ending up supporting each other so much. God gave us a song, which we performed and really became annointed. Our task was to make up a melody with the words of a couple of lines of a Psalm each. Then we had to get into groups and make up a song by choosing one of the psalms we got. Ours was Psalm 13 and we choose it because it was the shortest Psalm. We then choose the NLT version because we liked the words and then we sat at the piano and Hertz started to play and we made up this song. It has become this amazing annointed song which really speaks to me and means tons. Here it is:

Psalm 13

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart everyday?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God.
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, (or I will die).
Don't let my enemies gloat: "we have defeated him".
Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love,
I rejoice because You rescued me
I will sing to the Lord because
He's good to me x2

Love it.

Anyway what is there to tell - so much! I improved a ton on guitar, and me and Aimee performed Sway by Bic Runga on acoustic night! It was the first time I'd sung and played guitar at the same time in front of people. My second time was yesterday at church when I shared about Amplify and performed the psalm by myself to the congregation. Crazy stuff huh!

I did worship leading minor as well and that was very cool. Lot's of good discussion and things to think about which was great and we had a set worship time in each class lead by different people and it was cool!

The whole week was just worship!! We had prayer meeting daily and bible study/small group daily, plus every second night was Nite Church and the alternate one was a night activity. We had the cafe open each night apart from when God overtook Nite church and invaded and encountered us... It was awesome. We got smashed with the Holy Spirit I think. It was amazing. We had free time every day as well and I went horse riding once and swimming and stuff like that. It was sooo good!!

:) I think that's enough for now...

Today was the first day I've gotten upset over something all year. I think 14 days is a bit of an accomplishment. I had a bit of a cry and a rant, but dealt with it pretty well. Just something that is changing - that had an affect on me. And a person being stubborn and unaware of their actions affecting other people.

Going away to Amplify tomorrow. It is this creative arts camp and it's 8 days long. I am doing vocal, guitar and worship leading. And I'm pretty excited about it. Heaps of my friends will be there from around the country. Can't wait.

Am currently really tired, but had a pretty good day. Got lots done and had an awesome productive meeting with the 17 year olds in the youth group. I'm getting them to be student leaders this year and I'm really excited about it. I sold them kinda my vision for youth group stuff and they really responded! We came up with some really cool ideas and got the first term planned for MPOWRD Tuesday's. Still gotta work on Shindigs and Volley but that is a-ok! - Glad to get one step down. Gonna be a fun year of mentoring and building up these youth and well all of them!! Hopefully meeting a few more of their friends and sharing Jesus with them!

*

Was reading Punk Monk today - (Andy Freeman & Pete Greig) and reading a lot about breathing in and breathing out and taking space in our lives to let God in, to soak in His presence and let Him do things. Sometimes my life is so cluttered! I liked what they shared about monastic lifestyle with daily rhythms of prayer, rest and worship and service to others. It's cool. I hope the Boiler Room stays open and gets going so that I can start practicing that.. I know I can practice it regardless. It's really the people and the community that make it a boiler room - so maybe we've done it all the wrong way. Maybe we're supposed to be living it before we have the building to run it from. The people need to be committed to living with a lifestyle of prayer and communion with God and then focusing outwards - and then the building slots in. Atm we've got the idea and want to do it but don't have the people committed to it... and no one to live here but me... so who knows. Maybe I should start a rhythm of prayer here anyway and invite people to join me.. and if the boiler room closes I could move it to the prayer room at church. And pray and dream and scheme. Hmmmmmm.... some thoughts.

Anyway about the space - that's why I like the idea of giving up facebook for a month - and even the time I spend on here a little bit. Because I clutter my life with the mundane ongoings of other people and waste too many hours where I could be resting and praying and giving God space to show up in my life and in a whole bunch of instances. So... even this week going to Amplify there is going to be that whole space thing of no computer, no tv... and lots of God and it's going to be so refreshing. That month of no facebook may come sooner than I expected and may be repeated once or twice.

I want to hear God.
I want to rest in Him.
I want to love Him.
He deserves my all.

Whoops... this is an abnormal amount of updating for one day... but you'll be pleased to know that I got curtains today. And even put them up myself - without anyones help or a powerdrill. Which I really need to finish off it sometime. Someone buy me a powerdrill for my 21st. It's in October. Anyway, since I've been up so long it's bed time.

*

may Your Kingdom Come in my world and in my life

Hey! Well here is my update on 101 in 1001! Day Nine.

I've got my ongoing goals! And nothing quite completed as such! I have changed 2 of my vague un-measurable items on my list to things I can do such as go star gazing and read 30 books. I think just enough of a challenge to be a tad difficult! That's 10 books a year besides the Bible. I think I barely made it through 2 last year. Currently those goals are just sitting randomly out of a section cos I couldn't be bothered re-numbering all the ones after them... lazy I know. Anyway... it's under the cut:( The List )

Grrrr... so you know the whole not sleeping thing? Well it sucks.

I don't yet have proper curtains in my room - I have blinds, which I've been semi-covering with a black sheet of calico to prevent some of the light coming in. And well, let's say I've been sleeping in a dark room (as you do) on holiday for over a week and there is soooo much light in my room here that even when I didn't get to sleep til like 2.30 this morning, I was awoken with the fact that my room is so light at 6.45am. !!!! I need more than 4hours sleep. All my beautiful holiday rest has been undone in one foul swoop and I do not like it at all.

I'm grumpy and tired and I have to get up and go to work, and try find curtains - but I need to buy curtain rail and I have no idea what the cost is and I probably can't afford it right now. But I know I can't afford to not get sleep. It's not fair.

Coming home is cool. Sad to leave mum and dad but I've had a good day of prayer and worship throughout the whole day. Plus friends and flights and family. Good times.

The only problem is the slight time difference and huge temperature change. Tonight - I can't sleep. It's 1.30am NZ time - 11.30pm Sydney time.. maybe I could sleep now but I couldn't an hour and a half ago. It's also cold. Yesterday I was too hot and couldn't sleep - now I'm cold. And I have winter pjs and blankets. :( I need to adjust! I must wake up at 7.30 so I can shower and breakfast and head to the AA for when it opens at 9am to get another temporary licence until my real one comes in the mail. And then get back to work for the day.

My head is whirring with all I need to do at work in the next three days... I wish my thoughts would somehow make their way from my head onto a list which will appear on my desk so that I wont forget any of them tomorrow. - I mean today. Gosh....

Need sleep. But quite awake... it's unfair.
Must adjust. Have 3 days of work then a camp for 8 days.

*

OOOOOh! I completed part of one of my 101 today! I made self-saucing chocolate pudding in the microwave.. I'll have to find out what number it is - but I think it's bake something new every other month or something like that.

Bible reading is going well - walks and vitamens will get harder now and at camp reading my Bible will be a challenge BUT I want to do it. Such good communion with God.

My attitude really has changed by just having a great holiday and some rest and some goal setting too I think. Some passions have been ignited. I like.

*

BIG THANKS TO solafides for letting me have access to her brilliant Switchfoot Mood Icons! :) They are rad!!

*

Peace out!

Charlene thinks caffeine is keeping her mind up with songs going round and round in it while her body longs to sleep. this has never happened to her before...

"This is where humility has a massive role, which actually means to be gentle and kind. And being gentle and kind is how I relate to others and to God. It speaks of taking the time to understand someone, to see their strengths, to appreciate them as a creation of God. When we are gentle and kind with a child we are attentive to their needs, careful to cater for them in a way that is life giving. Being gentle and kind to others is about taking the time to understand those around me."

*

Gosh I just wrote some stuff and I lost it all!! Grrrrr! Oh well here goes..

*

Above is a quote from the daily devotional I'm getting to my emails each day. It's a guy who is journeying to get deeper into God and grow in Him. Each day he puts a short devotional with a scripture passage and comments on different stuff. Plus each day he puts down a section of the Bible to read to get through it in a year. I have really been enjoying each day and the Bible reading is really good. I'm not sure what the order is but it's great as it jumps around and sometimes it does just 2 chapters a day and other times 3 or 6. They are good little sections and I'm really liking it.

I'm trying to make sure that I am really listening to God and not just rushing through my Bible reading each day to get it done so that I wont fail my list. I obviously don't want to fail my list but the reason I put read my Bible daily on there is so that my relationship with God can grow and grow. Sometimes I need to stop myself and go hey are you listening? - are you understanding what you are reading? Are you trying to hear from God and get to know Him better? - Sometimes I wish I had a Life Study Bible as that points out all this insight and asks questions to make you think and connect to God. But I guess God is just trying to help me seek Him with ALL my heart, ALL my mind, ALL my soul. And I'm ok with that. I just have to remember to do so!

Anyway - I like what he said about being humble and kind above. I like it as I realise sometimes I am not that caring or don't truely take the time out to really listen to someone. To really understand them and really show show God's compassion. I maybe take some interest but perhaps selfishly don't let it get too deep as that would require my time and take it out of my terms you know. I can really see examples of people who perhaps I've done this to and it's not cool. I really want to work on really seeing someone as God's creation and loving them fully. So that is definitely something to think about.

*

Today I had this great salad for lunch! Grilled chicken - with pumpkin and beans in it! Yum yum! Did some stamping in my creative journal with mum's scrapbooking stamps and went out shopping in Crows Nest - got two flowy tops! One is orange with butterflies and the other is pink and white and grey! Similar styles! Pretty cool. I also have $50 to spend at Koorong... but I don't think that will be enough! So I am going to take advantage of sales and get as much for $50 as possible I think!! :) I wish I had more money to spend - but I need to have a little bit for next week before Amplify and I need to pay back my parents and credit card. :S Sigh.

I probably don't need heaps anyway - just want!!

:)

Loving my holiday in Sydney.

I decided to do it!!

Yaya!

101 in 1001

The Mission - Complete 101 pre-set tasks within the time allowed.
The Criteria - Tasks must be specific (no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e. require some effort from yourself)

START: 04/01/2010

FINISH: 01/10/2012 (my 23rd Birthday)

COMPLETED 0/101

Spiritual

1. Read my Bible every day – even when at camp/away somewhere and even if its 1am in the morning and you are exhausted. 4/1001
2. Journal at least every second day in my real life journal even if it’s about nothing. 2/500
3. Find a discipleship small group for me where I can be challenged.
4. Pray aloud in 20 group prayer meetings. 0/20
5. Attend Sunday morning prayer meeting every week I’m at church. 0/ possible 143
6. Start a bi-monthly prayer meeting for young adults in The Salvation Army around Wellington with Stuart.
7. Learn about Lent.
8. Complete Lent one year.
9. Spend a couple of hours in the prayer room each month. 0/33
10. Tell someone (who isn’t part of youth group or church) about Jesus once a month. 0/33

Well-being

11. Go for a walk every day even if it’s just to work and back. 4/1001
12. Take vitamin drink daily. 4/1001
13. Register and pay for Duathlon in April 2010 by end of January 2010.
14. Train for duathlon - run twice a week and bike twice a week in February, March and April leading up to the date. Run 0/22 Bike 0/22
15. Complete duathlon on 11 April 2010.
16. Weigh self before starting training for duathlon.
17. Weigh self after completing duathlon.
18. Complete an additional 3 bike/run events by the end date of this challenge. 0/3
19. Go a whole month without eating any fast food or takeaways. 0/30days
20. Go a whole month without drinking any fizzy drinks. 0/30days

Finances

21. Pay off credit card by the end of 2010.
22. Lower the limit on my credit card to $500 ASAP.
23. Save at least $50 a month until my credit card is paid off.
24. Save $____ a month after my credit card is paid off.
25. Up the payment to my parents each month as soon as I can.
26. Budget carefully each week and not go over my budget. 0/143

Style – caring about what I look like too much

27. Dye hair pink.
28. Get eyebrows done professionally bi-monthly. 0/17
29. Dye hair 10 different colours. 0/10
30. Grow my hair really long.
31. Get a straight fringe.
32. Wear different bright jewellery 10 times. 0/10
33. Be myself. Don’t try too hard.

Travel

34. Visit Europe and go on my OE.
35. Visit The Salvation Army in every country I visit.
36. Learn French before heading to Quebec, Canada with my family in 2011.
37. Learn basics of Spanish, Italian and French before my OE.
38. Visit Schloss Neuschwanstein in Germany.
39. Go on 10 road trips. 0/10
40. Road trip around the South Island with friends.
41. Go down to Invercargill.
42. And up to Kaitaia.
43. Go on a weeklong camping trip.

Music

44. Learn how to strum properly on the guitar and play better in general.
45. Be able to sing and play the guitar at the same time better.
46. Play and sing at the same time at church or Volley sometime in 2011 if not before.
47. Play my violin more often.
48. Buy all the CD’s on my wish list.
49. Buy CD’s on 10 bands that I haven’t listened to before. 0/10
50. Go to 5 gigs of secular bands. 0/5
51. Write a song.
52. Sing the song I wrote to somebody.

Creative

53. Finish the black and white film in Aaron’s camera and get it developed.
54. Take 50 photos, print them and make an album out of them. 0/50
55. Complete a photographic scavenger hunt. http://sh1ft.org/26things/26things-listarchives.html . 0/26
56. Design a dress, make it and wear it. 0/3
57. Make 4 things using my sewing machine and overlocker. 0/4
58. Update my livejournal at least once a week. 0/143
59. Fill up a book with quotes, writings and anything inspirational to me.
60. Design and paint the four canvases that have been sitting in my room for a year. 0/4
61. Make cards for my friends just because once a year. 0/3
62. Knit a scarf.
63. Blow up a picture of my family, frame it and put it on my wall in my room.

Education

64. Get at least a B- overall in all my papers for my Diploma.
65. Don’t start assignments the week they are due.
66. Read old Salvation Army history books.

General

67. Stop saying like all the time. Be eloquent in speech.
68. Be nice to my cat.
69. Go to a rugby game at the stadium and yell.
70. Walk in the rain.
71. Bake a different new thing every two months. 0/17
72. Make sure I do my washing at least once a week.
73. Go rollerblading 20 times. 0/20
74. Do more BMXing with the youth group boys.
75. Only buy Fairtrade chocolate.
76. Buy gifts from TradeAid.
77. Go a month without Facebook. 0/30days

Social

78. Visit friends from school – leavers 007 at least once a month. 0/33
79. Send anonymous encouragement cards to all the girls in the youth group.
80. Hang out with members of the youth group outside of youth group activities at least once a month. 0/33
81. Write letters to my friends from school.
82. Go on 20 late night Denny’s trip with friends. 0/20
83. Spend time with my sister once a month. 0/33
84. Spend time with my brother once a month. 0/33
85. Skype mum and dad once a week.

Personal

86. Be comfortable being single.
87. Know who I am in Christ as an individual.
88. Don’t get jealous of people who have other halfs.
89. Find things that I can do as a single, young woman – that perhaps I couldn’t as a engaged/married woman – and do them.
90. Crush on somebody.
91. Date for at least a month before going out with someone.
92. Pray a lot about this whole area.
93. Don’t obsess on this area but trust in God.
94. Fall in love.
95. Is it too hopeful to want to be engaged by my 23rd birthday? Get engaged.
96. Take a lot of photos with my fiancé.
97. Kiss in the rain.
98. Pick my fairytale dress.

Finally

99. Love God with everything I have.
100. Love others around me unconditionally.
101. Make another list. Keep it up.

I made it to Sydney after one amazing New Years Eve and day!

New Years Eve with Claire, Antonia and Jo was amazing! It included roadtrips in my car - YUSS for full licence! It makes things very cool! Singing and dancing, reminiscing a lot, big ol' discussions at 2am about religion and other important topics and heading out at 5am for a walk to see the sunrise! It was seriously very cool! :) Plus the all important McDonalds breakfast run and getting breathe tested on the way back. haha!!

So good! Then I took Jo home, let Antonia sleep on my couch, packed and got myself organised and went to my grandmas to sleep a bit and eat lunch before flying to Australia - sleeping on the plane - and then getting two trains with our luggage to St Leonards - having McDonalds for tea and then walking to Mum and Dad's new house about a 10min walk ish from there. I think I went to sleep after midnight NZ time... oh well. It was a great two days.

Chilling now with family. -- unfortunately this mostly revolves around computers and facebook - which brings me to the sad reality that all this technology is taking over our lives. haha. well mum and dad and Rosie and I are all on computers, connecting with NZ and friends but its kinda sad. I sit on mum and dad's bed with mum and we are chilling together whilst being on the computer. It's kinda weird!! but great!!

It is sooo good to be with my family. i miss them so much when I'm at home. It has been great that mum and dad and Rosie have been over in NZ for a while before christmas. i was getting so annoyed at living with hardly anyone around that I would just drive over to Grandma's... not to do anything but just hang out and chill their with all of the others around. I could just blob out there and maybe just do nothing but it was still really fabulous.

I am hoping that my living situation will get better soon with flat mates or whatever, cos I really want that community of family or people who are there at home - even if you don't want to talk or whatever, people being there for each other.

mmmm,
more later!!
xoxo

I got David Crowder Band - Church Music yesterday.
Liking it thus far.

I saw Avatar on Tuesday and its really good! :)

Plus - I died my hair burgundy purple today! it's exciting and really pretty!

NEW YEARS!!

:)

xoxo

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I look at the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Chorus (3x):
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Chorus 3x:
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Last night I went on my first late night swim at the beach. It was epic!!

We had an amazing night of testimony, fellowship and sharing at Volley. I was so stoked of how it all came together because I had put a ton of thinking and planning and praying into it and I expected God to show up. And He did. We shared, we sung, we ate, we prayed, we threw jelly beans at each other and James melted black ones in my tea without me noticing. It was funny when i took a big swig to realise it was liqourice and spit it back out again during worship. It was soooo good. Exactly how God intended it to be and I'm glad I spent so much time listening to Him about it.

I got dragged along - not that I fought it much - for a swim at Titahi Bay which is our new little hang out spot. We've done 3 beach trips in a couple of weeks. On Saturday I got a tad burnt.. but its not that bad... I was reasonably careful just missed a few spots. Last night we went for a swim at 10.30pm... I thought it was going to be freezing but it wasn't too bad. I went just in my swimsuit.. no boardies or anything cos it was dark and no one could see and I figured the less clothes that get wet the faster I can get dry and warm up once I get out of the water. It was epic. Seriously. Not as cold as I thought it was gonna be but cold... but amazing! Refreshing. And once I was out of the water and had my trackies and hoody on I was really hyper and running around the beach. It was amazing!

Hehe, anyway! there is an update for once!
I hope I blog more soon.

GOD IS AMAZINGLY GOOD!!!!!!


ooo and new switchfoot is mint!!

ARgh....

I need to update! It's been too long.

I can't do it now tho - cos I'm 1/3rd a way through an assignment which I only started tonight and is due on Friday. It's not good. I don't even know how I function right now... oh wait - yea I do. It's the large latte I had at four o'clock, plus two cups of tea and one lift plus... and the one I'm half way through now.

Not good I know....

But... yesterday I tried to go to sleep early and I know I didn't fall asleep til after 12 anyway.. lame body clock... so today I'll just stay up til then and try finish my assignment... and stop procrastinating.

...

eventually...

Kinda freaking out right now

I know I'm ok tho

I'm in Christ and ok right?

But it doesn't stop my heart feeling tight and my head spinning with scenarios of what could be.

I wanna be ok.

I'm in Christ, He's in me, And we're both in God. How safe am I?

*

We're watching this DVD series @ 18+ group which is all about that. And its super cool. Based on Colossians. Really good stuff.

*

We've looked at the whole Christ IN me thing quite a number of times and its kinda hard to get into your head and help it stay there. But it blows my mind all the time.

*

I have to keep reminding myself - that I'm OK cos I'm IN Christ. The outward circumstances which affect my life and my feelings are yes still there... but shouldn't determine my happiness or attitude because I'm IN CHRIST.

*

I'm OK. I am Set Free. Sanctified. A Child of the Living God.

*

I'm OK.

Yesterday I went to the gym again. Today I went for a walk, but no gym. Next week I'm gonna aim for 3 or 4 times. Maybe not Fridays tho.

Today I had to get my warrant of fitness done for the car. So that was pretty much my grocery money. After all my bills have gone out, well... there's only that much grocery money/petrol money and I'm done. So. I decided to go to Pack'n'Save because it's so much cheaper than woolworths and get stuff for lunches and tea tonight and cat food for Simba. It only cost me $25 all up and it will last me til next pay with when I'm home etc. I used my credit card to get it, but now have put that away. I have about $4 in my normal account, but there is food in the cupboards and I will survive easily I'm sure. I just need to not use my credit card cos I really have to pay it off.

It's a tad sucky but oh well. While I was out there, I went and got some leggings from Glassons with the voucher I got for my birthday. They are something I was really needing as my ones have a huge hole in them and I wear them all the time. So - there is so much I wanted to get, but I am being self-controlled. I don't need any more clothes. I just get sick of mine... but it's alright. I can definitely survive. I don't need STUFF.

So, I have half a tank of gas, $4 and a pantry full of food and I will be fine. Seriously. I need to get my finances under control. And I'm gonna really try.