ARgh....

I need to update! It's been too long.

I can't do it now tho - cos I'm 1/3rd a way through an assignment which I only started tonight and is due on Friday. It's not good. I don't even know how I function right now... oh wait - yea I do. It's the large latte I had at four o'clock, plus two cups of tea and one lift plus... and the one I'm half way through now.

Not good I know....

But... yesterday I tried to go to sleep early and I know I didn't fall asleep til after 12 anyway.. lame body clock... so today I'll just stay up til then and try finish my assignment... and stop procrastinating.

...

eventually...

Kinda freaking out right now

I know I'm ok tho

I'm in Christ and ok right?

But it doesn't stop my heart feeling tight and my head spinning with scenarios of what could be.

I wanna be ok.

I'm in Christ, He's in me, And we're both in God. How safe am I?

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We're watching this DVD series @ 18+ group which is all about that. And its super cool. Based on Colossians. Really good stuff.

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We've looked at the whole Christ IN me thing quite a number of times and its kinda hard to get into your head and help it stay there. But it blows my mind all the time.

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I have to keep reminding myself - that I'm OK cos I'm IN Christ. The outward circumstances which affect my life and my feelings are yes still there... but shouldn't determine my happiness or attitude because I'm IN CHRIST.

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I'm OK. I am Set Free. Sanctified. A Child of the Living God.

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I'm OK.

Yesterday I went to the gym again. Today I went for a walk, but no gym. Next week I'm gonna aim for 3 or 4 times. Maybe not Fridays tho.

Today I had to get my warrant of fitness done for the car. So that was pretty much my grocery money. After all my bills have gone out, well... there's only that much grocery money/petrol money and I'm done. So. I decided to go to Pack'n'Save because it's so much cheaper than woolworths and get stuff for lunches and tea tonight and cat food for Simba. It only cost me $25 all up and it will last me til next pay with when I'm home etc. I used my credit card to get it, but now have put that away. I have about $4 in my normal account, but there is food in the cupboards and I will survive easily I'm sure. I just need to not use my credit card cos I really have to pay it off.

It's a tad sucky but oh well. While I was out there, I went and got some leggings from Glassons with the voucher I got for my birthday. They are something I was really needing as my ones have a huge hole in them and I wear them all the time. So - there is so much I wanted to get, but I am being self-controlled. I don't need any more clothes. I just get sick of mine... but it's alright. I can definitely survive. I don't need STUFF.

So, I have half a tank of gas, $4 and a pantry full of food and I will be fine. Seriously. I need to get my finances under control. And I'm gonna really try.

back to the gym I went!

woop woop.

feeling really good about it and pretty motivated to go again tomorrow.

I also just wanna start going for walks around Tawa when I have time to just prayer walk and listen to my ipod and just reflect on God.

I'm thinking I should also try wake up earlier and use the time between 7am and 9am... It could be so valuable if I use it to spend time with God instead of sleep.

I'm working on it.. each day I get a little bit closer to my goal. So soon I'll be there and then I'll try make a habit of it!!

Yay!

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I love sitting in my pjs on my computer talking to my dad. Even tho he tells me to go to bed from the other side of the ditch... He is cool. He cares, he makes me feel good about myself and loved.

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There is a little bit of drama in my life...

I think I am a tad dramatic so make it so, but I don't think its all my fault.

Hmmmph...

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yesterday i lost a baby tooth.

and I'm 20!!

I went to the dentist because whilst eating chocolate I hurt my tooth - since I thought it was an adult tooth I thought I'd broken it and was scared about it coming out. So I booked a dentist appointment to check it out, and they xrayed and told me it was just a baby tooth and the adult one was coming down. So they said I could just pull it out. So I did. And it was kinda embarrassing. Apparently I have 2 other baby teeth still in there. CRAZY a.

and I had to pay for the xray and consultation. But oh well. I thought that was better than pulling it out and then it being an adult tooth and having a gap for the rest of my life.

it was entertaining.

but a tiny bit ridiculous!!

my back really hurts a.. so I feel like an old lady with baby teeth.

oh well.

xoxo

I just wanted to use that icon ^

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BIRTHDAY!

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So tired. Didn't sleep the greatest and then got up around 7 to get up in time for DENNY's breakfast at 8am with Kath & Keith!! It was awesome! I got my hair curled by Tina and its fab.. looking a tad drab now tho! But oh well


I got roses in my office from Angela which was cool. And ballons which are now attached to the letter box. They say "Trust in the Lord" on them! cool as!!

My dad rang from Aus which was cool! I did some work til 12.

Talked to James on the phone which was cool.

AND... Went to lunch with my mum and Rosie! Was pretty cool too!

Got this cool kimono from my mum and dad which my dad got in Japan! cool as! Like a dressing gown but cooler! So stoked!

Then went and saw my sisters new flat, and then came back home!

My mum gave me a massage as she is in training to be a massage therapist and its great! And then I've just been blobbing the rest of the afternoon away.

SOOOOOO tired now,

BUT wait! There's more! My friend Aimee should be here in a little while and she has organised people to come round to my house for a "party"!! Yay!

So, I need to find some energy somewhere... and do the little pile of dishes there...

YAY for BIRTHDAY!!

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I'm old.

BIRTHDAY tomorrow.
So hyper now..
But need to sleep.

Such a roller coaster of emotions today.
Tired.
Love.
xoxo

Today I am really good at procrastinating.
It's not that good.
But today has emotional significance to it. Which is lame and should be forgotten about, but it's not that easy.

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I really want to thrist after God.
To love Him and serve Him
And have Him going through my head all of the time!

SO many great things going to happen. So many good options coming my way for next year even. It's time to step up and live in it! Do it, Strive for it!

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Plus I am loved. By God and by friends and family. So whatever problems or emotional baggage I have I really need to get rid of and just concentrate on God and what He is doing!

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Need to sleep earlier so I can achieve this.

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Love God, Love others.

xoxo

Well, I'm not a very good blogger lately. But I have noticed that maybe not many people are updating as much as they used to be! My friends page, which I do check doesn't change as regularly as it used to! Not that I had heapsa friends on facebook, but maybe even some of the communities are dying! My fault too as I haven't contributed in ages. But oh well.

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What has happened? I mean it's been nearly a month since I last updated! Maybe even over a month! I can't remember when I last looked at it, but oh well! I went to Tonga for 10days with a team from church was pretty spectacularly fun!

One highlight while I was there was reading Psalm 150 on Sunday morning at Vaini Corps! We all read it aloud and so it was read joyfully in English and Tongan at the same time! Tongan takes longer to read btw! And it was so joyus! The Tongan people are lovely and happy with what they have and love singing praises to God! So loud and joyful and it's pretty cool! There is so much we can learn from them really!

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What else! We just had LIVEFIRE: Reloaded last weekend! Took 15 youth including myself and it was amazing! God really dealt with another layer in me! Kinda took a huge weight off my shoulders that had been there for about 3 months I think... it was just not letting me be happy. I was not really content in myself for about 3 months.. like a cloud hging over me. And even tho I had many fabulous encounters with God during that time and all that, something wasn't quite right.

On Sunday night at Livefire I went up even tho I thought I should be ministering to my youth, and God truly dealt with me and broke into that part of my life! I was blessed to have a girl about my age pray with me! And then when I went back to minister to one of the girls from my youth, I ended up crying with her! Which was good! I understood her situation so I was crying for her, but also I was crying cos God wasn't done setting me free yet. I started to pray aloud amidst my tears and I ended up sobbing. The girl I was praying with ended up praying for me and I sobbed for about 10mins. A friend also came and prayed over me and gave me a word from God which was truly special. I was fully aware that God was doing something in my life... another layer ya know. And I was hugely aware of His presence!!! It took me a while to get up off the floor! I was sobbing for a long while and The Holy Spirit was really ministering to me!

One of my leaders came up and sat beside me and it actually scared me cos I was so into God's presence that I got a fright when he turned up! But he said, we'll deal with you and then I'll tell you whats going on with the youth from our corps! So we talked a tad about what God had done in me (not that I truly knew) and then he proceeded to tell me that one of our boys had made a first time decision!!!! And a heap of them had had HUGE encounters with God like they had never had before! The rest were praying together and being COMMUNITY and seeking God and worshipping!! And oh my goodness was I stoked!

I had felt a little silly that I wasn't ministering to the youth I was responsible for... but I didn't really cos God really needed to do something in me, and I really needed that!! So I was ok really!! And God had continued to do His thing without me ministering to them! They supported each other and God provided the people to pray with them and help them!! And really, after camp is where my job really begins!! God is in control and way MIGHTIER than I.

So yayah!!

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Today, my study was on time management! And I'm gonna try to keep myself accountable for the gym, and prayer and bible reading a lot more! Gonna involve some people and just see where God takes me! Can't wait!! Gonna try to update here more with my progress and all the awesome stuff God is teaching me! I know He will.

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Love to all
xoxo

Yo! We're gonna make play dough for youth tonight!! yeauh!!

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haven't been sleeping the best... but God is speaking to me. And heapsa ppl checking up on me and I'm getting there. :)

Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

It's late.. I was trying to sleep but I was getting no where.. so I got up and ate waffles. Whoever invented those waffles that go in the toaster is pretty amazing. They only take a munute! wooohooo.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

here I was looking for answers... and fortunately God was sending them to me but I wasn't paying attention enough. Someone lovely has been txtn me each morning with verses.. and it's usually been early and I've been like oh lovely... and just before I was like God talk to me I'm trying to listen... and He was like 'read My Word'

duh! and then I started looking... and I was like where to look, what to read, tell me what to read! and then i remembered the texts... and I remembered a song... and yay..

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

This week is odd. last night I couldn't sleep and my ear hurt so much, I was crying and upset and I told Phil and he took me to the afterhours.. I have antibiotics.

It's weird cos I hardly ever go to the doctors and I really don't take antibiotics... like I don't remember when the last time I had antibiotics was...

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I'm trying to just chill out at home before a crazy night of recording for Praise Be and I'm finding it difficult... I'm getting caught up and freaked out over stuff.. and I wish I could just be chilling out with God. Oh I need Him so much.. but let me hang out with you and not be worked up Oh Lord.

I want it to all be ok.

I want to be fine...

I want to be a passionate follower of Jesus

Help me be that.

char has a cold so has spent pretty much all afternoon moping (sp) around in front of the T.V. with tissues and rawleighs ointment and a whole packet of tim tams which were consumed completely.

I actually watched some of the taped church services from this year. I found the one which broke me down and God was with me re teaching me some lessons and reminded me of His truths. I want to go be completely confident in His truth and let my one desire to be only His. His is the only one I should be trying to impress, He is the only one worthy of my devotion and attention... His is the only opinion that matters and the only one I need to get the approval of. I want my whole life to be His... and Him to be mine.

Gosh how many times do I have to repeat this and let myself get it?? How many times do I have to seek His face?

I guess He likes it when I realise I need Him again... I'm sure He never gets fed up at all.

man, I'm bad at updating lately.

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I was gonna just write about the mundane stuff I did... like this evening tea at grandma's... work today.. ooo I went to the gym today too! But... I dunno! I feel the need to write more than just that... tho my mood is being funny and I don't overally feel like writing some jumbled all sorts of thoughts down which might lead to some sort of discover.

I do want to say that I feel like icecream but am ridicoulously full from dinner for some odd reason. I guess I ate too much, or my body is trying to tell me not to eat too much - not that I think I did eat too much but none the less.

I wish I was just feeling content and normal. I have tendecies to just over think a lot of things... and when I just have a relaxing night even, I worry about dumb things. The thing is God keeps on telling me not to worry... and James reminds me of Philippians 4:6... do not be anxious about anything, but by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.

Yep. I've been trying. I think I may need to train my mind to just be content and normal instead of going crazy about stuff. Cos I don't even have a valid reason. hmmmm. My mind so much isn't going crazy... it's just this weird tight feeling in my chest. I don't get it.

Anyway... this update is about nothing in the end.. maybe I'll get some revelation soon about something and all will be well.

meh.